Half A Year

I’m proud of every single one of my scars. I’m not proud of how I got them. I’m not proud of the fact that they are there at all. But I’m proud of the fact that they are just scars.

As stated on my title, today i’ve been on my own for half a year. Yes, that long. Time does fly. I wanted to make some sort of reflection from scars i’ve got and things i’ve done to overcome the pain itself. Of course it’s all to make me be a better person, stronger girl, and more mature in facing life’s obstacles.

Looking back to a devastated girl sitting on her balcony, thinking about ending her life, but ended up throwing herself to a bottomless black hole called depression and frustation makes me very grateful of life i have now. The hardest part is not forgiving nor forgetting, but to give myself a second chance, to laugh, to believe, and most of all to love all over again. I’m still climbing my own base of believing and loving, but at least i have given myself a second chance by not ending my life on that night and i can laugh out loud again now.

I wouldn’t have done it without my family and friends, that’s why it’s important to have such an understanding family and caring friends. It is actually them who catch you seconds before you hit the pavements, definitely not that person whom you expect to.

Eventually i will forget all those hurtful words that had been said. But now, on the way there, sometimes, those words work like a whip without me realizing it. I still have it in mind, when i asked ‘why’ and all i got ‘i just want to be free, not having responsibilities over a gf, worrying her all the time’, but then only a few weeks after that …., well it’s still hurt to say that i got replaced, but i’m still learning to take a lesson from that. I’m looking at myself now, i get to make my own rules and answer only to myself, and i don’t mind with that. Frankly, i think it rocks. It is actually me who is freed.

So here i am, on my one month holiday (i could say that), spending quality time with my beloved family, about to do my diving and surfing in a few days, spending new years holiday with new people i will meet on my trip. Above all, i am still trying to overcome the pain and disappointing thought that sometime are still hurt, but i get to know myself alot better now, i know how to make balance between divine transcedent and enjoy life to the fullest.

“Someday, we’ll forget the hurt, the reason we cried and who caused us pain. We will finally realize that the secret of being free is not revenge, but letting things unfold in their own way and own time. After all, what matters is not the first, but the last chapter of our life which shows how well we ran the race. So smile, laugh, forgive, believe, and love all over again.”


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