folks are against my relationship

I’ve been reading threads and posts about this issue as this becomes my major issue instead of getting a good job issue or other issues. Hey it’s not me who always brings it up, it’s them. I say to them all the time that i’m not thinking about that at the moment, i’m focused on getting a good job now, and he’s been helping me alot through frustrated, failed, useless feelings. He really is my best friend. We’re still doing our best to make our relationship works, though. We both sacrifice alot to work it out, that’s for sure. But it isn’t my focus at the moment, really i’m desperate to get a good job now. But now i have to think about this as my parents go nuts about my relationship. SIGH!

I collected these suggestions, opinions, stories, and comments from varies website, from Islamic sites to dearcupid.org to counselor sites. What i’m gonna write below is a Switzerland opinion, suggestion, and comment. I really have to think about this very clearly and neutral. Here what i think is a good ones.

” The first point of call would be to try and talk to your parents about your choice of marriage partner. Often it’s the case, that something out of the ordinary comes as a big shock to anyone, why should our parents be any different? After talking to them, you need to allow them time, for the information to sink in, and for them to get used to the idea.

Sometimes I’ve seen people tell their parents something shocking for them, and then expect them to accept it immediately. This is being selfish and uncompassionate. How would you react if someone came and told you something shocking? Would you accept it immediately and say “oh okay, this was a total shock to me, but cool, let’s do it”? If you’re honest you wouldn’t. You’d need time for it to sink in and get used to it. You might react quite harshly initially, but after you thought about it for some time, you might be persuaded to change your mind. Give your parents the same consideration.

After giving it some time, if they are still against the idea, try talking to them again, to see what their objections are in depth, and if anything can be worked out. It’s amazing how things can be changed between loved ones just by hearing each other’s views.

If they are still adamantly against after talking and waiting, and talking and waiting, then the choice is yours. But you better be damn sure about your choice, and have thought it through practically, which is very difficult when emotions are involved, otherwise you will have gone against your parents and caused them heartache for nothing. “

I think about that too, talking and waiting.

“Sometimes people use the whole “my ailing mother will die from scabies if I marry you” thing as a scapegoat. The people I’ve met who address their parents’ fears in a respectful and patient way, usually end up okay in the end.”

Short and simple, just need to be patience and respectful.

“My parents were dead-against me marrying my BF on much the same grounds to be honest. They didn’t speak to me for a couple of years…I married him anyway and have a lovely baby boy and a very happy marriage. They came around in the end and now actually like him. Don’t let your heart run away with your head, but if that little voice inside is telling you that you are happy with this man don’t let him go to please your family.”

Sometimes your heart is telling you the truth, listen to your heart.

“obedience does not equal moral high ground. you can disagree with your parents and make your own decisions without wronging them.”

Same point as above treat parents respectfully.

“Consider two things. You love him. Good. But how much do you love him? Are you willing to fight on for this. Also, although I am in complete support of inter-racial relationships, but that also means two different cultures. Will you be able to adjust to his and vice versa? If you do think it’s all worth it, if it will work out and your sure of your and his level of commitment, Go for it.

Parents sometimes are paranoid. All humans are who are not used to certain things and are afraid of accepting changes. Make your decision, try to calmly reason with your father, if he still doesn’t listen give him a decision. With time they’ll accept it. Parents learn to do that, though it might not happen overnight could take a long while. But also do remember, parents are usually the ones who deserve most respect from you, they suffer half of their lives for their kids. Though, that also means that because of you they will accept something they don’t agree to with time.

My advice to you would be this:
If you think after balancing out the pro’s and con’s that this is the right thing to do, then do it. But do not disrespect your parents. That doesn’t mean listen to their decision, live your life, but do not insult them or disrespect”

I do understand that point, it needs time. Could take a long while. If they really love me of course they will get over it, accept it even it’s against them.

“So have a good long think about the basis of your relationship and what makes you two so special as a couple, and I then suggest that you and your boyfriend see a relationship counselor to sort out a plan of action. A third person can often act as an intermediate and be helpful in keeping emotions from getting out of control. Your parents might begin to understand more about your boyfriend and what makes him special to you. If he is a very good man and your parents can see that his family is kind and supportive, you might just overcome their prejudice and fear of the unknown.

Eloping is a last resort. It doesn’t really solve anything and may cause a lot of trauma all round. However, if nothing else works and you truly are right for eachother, then that’s what you have to do.”

I was thinking about eloping, but i know eloping is not the way out.

“It’s entirely possible to manipulate situations to suit you: you just have to be smart and work out the best way of doing it for your situation. Even now, instead of arguing with your boyfriend, work together to devise a campagne, because that’s what it’s going to take to solve this problem. Be creative! I generally don’t suggest lying and deception, but your parents are being so unreasonable that maybe you need to consider bending the truth sometimes… Don’t go nuts, just focus on what you want, and go get it, just like you are doing with your work!”

Totally agreed with this one, work together with my partner to work it out.

Thankfully i have an amazing partner, he’s so understanding and cooperative. He’s dedicated to make our relationship works. I pray we can work it out together. Please help us, God..