they’re rite

yap..kalian semua benar…apa yg temen”qu bilang bner…ky ronnie…dia bilang dr postinganqu kmrn…”apa kmu yakin sama yg keliatannya mau ma kmu?”…artati bilang di postingan sebelumnya…”klo dia layak diperjuangkan,,perjuangkan..klo ngga tinggalin aja”…klo sanny bilang…”get another boyfriend”…termasuk nopal bilang seperti yg ada di postingan bored limit point..”jangan berlebihan lah”….

ngga hny mereka yg bilang hal senada…begitu jg temen”qu yg lain…dan baru” ini aja aq mulai mikir,,kenapa semua kyna kq bilang hal yg serupa (tapi tak sama)…klo ky gini yg salah aq ato sapa…knp aq ga sadar” klo pikiran orang” normal (klo mereka bz dibilang bgtu…he) berkata hal yg sama…knp aq ttp yakin ma pendirian qu..yakin dia adalah the rite guy….

dr mana aq bisa dpt keyakinan yg pathetical ky gt…expecting from sumone unexpected…hoping to sumone unpredictable…gosh..!!

barusan aja abiz nonton pilem the wedding date..pilem lama tp kena bgt di aq…buat sebagian orang itu pilem ga penting..mello..cw bgt..ato apa lah…but there’s one thing that clicking me up…a fascinating words…

“every woman has the exact love life she wants..”

that words bikin aq sadar…apa hal ini yang aq mau?..is he the guy for me?..klo aq bilang ini adalah kisah yg emang aq inginkan..then i gonna have to be sure that he’s the rite guy…

but i refuse to believe it..bukan seperti ini ternyata yg aq inginkan…bukan melo melana (baca:merana) yg aq inginkan…not ‘uncertainty feeling’…not ’sumtimes feeling’…not ‘unbeloved feeling’ from sumone i loved most…semua yg aq lakukan ga pernah ada artinya buat dia…dan apa yg aq dpt selama ini..from what i’ve done?…

“and at the end of the day the only one who end it up fallen was me..i wish i could say it was worthed…”

n i guess it shouldn’t be surprised…cz it’s all about me..who have no courage to let him loves me back..my feeling is full of lies..pretend to be okay…pretend to be patience waiting for him to realize,,that no one will luv him like i do….i have no courage to let him loves me cz i cant take the pain that come with…i juzt cant help wondering what kinda pain i’ll take then if this beginning is so storm n unpredictable…im juzt saving me from myself….from ruined in him…from falling into decay….

as 2nite i leave him cowardly toughly..i’ll be gone from his life…since i cant seem to make him mine,,i hope there’s no more sad story so this’ll be my last post ’bout him…

“the hardest thing is loving someone and then having a courage to let them love you back..”

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Published:
5.3.08 / 11am
Category:
'lil secret
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